Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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