I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
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My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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