This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
