If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
