Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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