I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
