We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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