So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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