i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
