I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
