if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
