i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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