please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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