Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Randomize
