look no pants
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
