Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
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It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
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I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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