I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
