My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
