every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
