apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
