i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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