Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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