we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
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no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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