Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
