...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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