i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
