Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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