new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
it glows. i had to have it.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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