You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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