I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
