Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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