Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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