my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
