Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
