Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
