I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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