Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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