dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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