i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.