im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.