I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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