Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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