I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
