I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
