and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
