u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
