i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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