but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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