heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
