He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I wish there were birth control emojis
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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