don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
jump out the window naked night went bad
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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