..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
So squirting runs in the family.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
