it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
