Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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