I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
you inspire me to be a worse person
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
