Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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