Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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