I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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