i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize
