If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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