literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
