I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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